I Don’t Know Who I Am Without the Gym And Movement

This isn’t about a six-pack. It’s about survival.

Let’s get one thing clear.

I didn’t start lifting for mental health.

I started because I wanted to look good.
To feel in control.
To impress girls.
To win basketball games.
To shut people up when they doubted me because of my height.

That’s the truth. Every guy starts for similar reasons I’d say.

But you don’t keep showing up for 10+ years just for validation.

You keep going because eventually, it becomes the only place you feel like yourself.

And for me?

There were long stretches where the gym was the only thing that kept me going at all.

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The First Identity I Ever Built

I grew up an athlete.
If you know me personally, you already know I was the captain, the competitor, the one who always found a way to win.

Being athletic was my edge.
My confidence.
The place I got respect, even when I wasn’t the tallest, richest, or loudest.

In my late teens/early 20s, in college, it was everything.
Training 6–7 days a week. Competing. Feeling invincible.
Body felt bulletproof. Mind felt clear.

But then real life started.

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When Movement Was Taken Away From Me

The worst stretch of my 20s?
Not a breakup. Not a job change. Not even a death.

It was not being able to move.

Injuries hit. And they hit hard.
I couldn’t train the way I used to. Couldn’t even walk right some days.
I started skipping workouts, saying “I’ll rest one more day” until I forgot what it felt like to push myself.

And that did more damage than I expected.

My body felt weak.
My mind felt off.
My days felt robotic.
I felt like a ghost of myself.

There was one day at work — I’ve written about this before — where I literally blacked out.
Couldn’t see. Couldn’t move. Couldn’t feel.
Came back minutes later and knew:
“This isn’t living.”

That’s the moment that changed everything.

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Why I Go Now

I didn’t bounce back overnight.
Recovery took time. Mentally more than physically.
But I made myself a promise:
I will never take movement for granted again.

The gym is no longer where I impress people.
It’s where I reconnect with myself.

I train to stay grounded.
I train to stay present.
I train because without it, my mind spirals and I don’t feel like me.

If you know, you know.
And if you don’t? That’s okay. Maybe one day you will.

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“The Real Reason I Train: What I Tell My Clients, But Rarely Share Online”